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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  November 6, 2012 12:00am-1:05am EST

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number on the screen. good night, america. jimmy kimmel, next. >> up next on all new jimmy kimmel live -- >> every march and november i stand in front of my microwave for no less than 20 minutes trying to figure how to reset the clock. >> robert pattinson. >> take him in. i mean, look at him. >> and chris hardwick. >> i have to follow a hufl pufl on this stage! >> jim
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>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with a word about the new microsoft surface. it's packed with some features so incredible, i am not qualified to explain them so we brought in our technology experts, the gadget guru guys guillermo and yehya, to give us their take. gentlemen? >> thank you mr. jimmy kimmel. we are here to review the microsoft surface. first lets take it out of the box, shall we? >> jimmy: it's not the sur-face, it's the surface. >> yes, let's take it out of the box. >> yes, let's take it out of the box. >> jimmy: i can't wait to hear about all the great features. while they are working on it, let me just say that the surface has some amazing features
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including a magnetic keyboard and built-in kickstand, which allows it to easily transform from a tablet to a laptop. how are you guys doing? >> guillermo: good. >> jimmy: the surface also has a lot of other great features. like the picture password, a personalized start screen, and a split screen that allows for multi-tasking. the surface offers a truly customizable experience to reflect your personality and lifestyle. do you have it open yet? >> guillermo: almost. >> jimmy: unfortunately we're out of time. thank you for stopping by to talk about the great features of the microsoft surface. we truly appreciate your expertise. >> dicky: microsoft surface. click in and do more. available now at microsoft retail stores and at microsoft.com. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with robert pattinson, chris hardwick and music from ben folds five. [ mom ] 3 days into school break and they're already bored.
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- robert pattinson, comedian chris hardwick and music from ben folds five with cleto and the cletones and now, all of the sudden, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. very kind. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. we are back home in hollywood. i hope you stayed out of the heat today i hope you made the adjustment to daylight savings. today is that magical day that comes once a year when the clocks in our cars are finally
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almost correct again. [ laughter ] and by the way, if i could speak directly to the manufacturers of kitchen appliances for a second it's time to add a daylight savings button to your product. [ cheers and applause ] for real. every march and every november, i stand in front of my microwave for no less than 20 minutes trying to figure how to reset the clocks. i never once used the baked potato button, so why don't we use that. i would use the daylight savie ing button twice a year. i have 13 clocks in my house and with my car, 14. you spend an hour vetting alarm clocks. which is flavor flav when you need him? nowhere to be found. the nights are longer and that means it's team wauedward's timo
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shine. [ cheers and applause ] soon. this is the show back after a week of shows in brooklyn. you know they say you can never go home again. they're right. i tried to go back to my old house and walked in on a lady in the shower. sorry. doing the show in brooklyn is weird. they don't have superheroes outside the theater to take pictures with people. went from hurricane sandy to 94 degrees here in hollywood today. that is a heat index equivalent to four shirtless robert pattinsons. [ cheers and applause ] very hot. i don't mind it. [ cheers and applause ] all right! [ laughter ] meanwhil
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meanwhile -- innocent bystander here in the crowd. there was an earthquake this morning in new jersey, either that or someone gave governor christie a jumprope in new jersey. magnitude 2.0. i have to believe that was meant for news southern california but this is what happens when mother nature uses apple maps. everything gets confused. meanwhile, you know there still isn't much gas in new jersey or new york. only about half the gas stations in new jersey are open right now and the ones that are have very long lines and in an attempt to alleviate the lines the state instituted gas rationing rule this is weekend, drivers with odd license plates go on one day, drivers with even license plates the other days and drivers with a screw driver can switch plates and fill up every day. you have to have a phillips. i'm sure aware of the presidential election is tomorrow. not just for president but
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tomorrow americans will go to the polls, elect a new leader and go home for thanksgiving to fight about it. i'm happy it's almost over. i'm sick of elections. i hope we never do this again. [ cheers and applause ] never. they say there hasn't been an election this close since hines ward versus kirstie alley in season 12 of "dancing with the stars." they're running neck and neck. obama and romney on monday fight football tonight and this is strange, their final campaign ad, i don't know if they did this to save money or what but it's an ad they shot together. >> hello, i'm mitt romney, election day is here, i need yoer vote and i won't hesitate to buy it it. wait. what did you stay in. >> stay out of this. seriously? you need money, candy, women? whoa, whoa. don't forget about me. i'm already president. i can pick you up in a helicopter. >> concert tickets? vacations? power tools? vote for me and every american
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gets a jet ski. >> you know what? vote for me, two jet skis. >> don't try to out-jet ski me. i'm on the catalog. >> vote for me and i'll it will but roswell. it was real. >> vote for me anne can be president for a day. nuke whoever you want. i don't care. i want this. >> espresso machines. >> >> mini bikes. >> i'm mitt romney. >> barack obama. >> a proved this message. >> i approved this message. >> jimmy: the vice president joe biden spoke at railly in richmond, virginia, this morning and he seems confused about who he's running against. >> this is not your father's republican party, this is not john warner's republican party, this is not mitch romney's father's republican party. >> >> jimmy: mitch romney? pop-pop biden has been drinking robitussin again. leather vice president jacket. is everyone here planning to vote?
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[ cheers and applause ] i hope so. it's important. remember, voting isn't just a right, it's also a couple hours off of work tomorrow. oh, here is a voting tip, something i learned the hard way. if they give you a cookie instead of a sticker tomorrow, you didn't vote, you gave blood. i voted by mail and i have to say it makes it harder to take the election seriously when you see, this is on the ballot. roseanne barr's name for president. right above obama. makes you feel like a celebrity atr apprentice election. i know a handful of people who won't vote because they think their vote doesn't count. that's a terrible way to look at things. for people who think voting is pointless, most of what you do is pointless. last night when you flipped channel and saw "hangover ii" and they they replayed it
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watched last half and then the first half and when you got to the point where you started originally you figured i should watch the whole thing and then went and did that. remember that? go ahead and fill out the sc scantron. thank you. on average, only about 60% of the eligible voters vote in presidential elections. but a lot more seem to say they do. to prove it we went on hollywood boulevard today to ask people if they went to the poll this is morning to vote. keep in mind, there are no polls open in los angeles today. closest thing i think is the county recorders's office in norwalk, 45 minutes away. but that didn't stop people from telling us they voted in tonight's edition of "lie-witness news." >> today's election day, have you gone to the poll yet to
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vote? >> not yet. >> are you going tonight? >> have you heard about long lines? >> i heard about a lot of long lines. i'm like [ bleep ] i have to hurry up and get there. >> today is election day have you gone to the polls to vote? j i have not yet but i intend to. >> today is election day have you gone yet? >> after i get something to eat. >> did you go and vote? >> i did. >> how were the lines? were they long? >> getting there. getting there. >> was it exciting? >> pretty exciting. as close as an election this is. >> what is your name? where are you from? >> people call me joker. i'm from earth. >> today was election day, did you go to the polls and vote yet? >> yes. >> yes? was it exciting? >> it was a blast! >> today is election day. have you gone to the polls to vote yet? >> i have gone. >> when did you go? >> this morning. >> how were the lines?
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>> pretty long. pretty long. >> did you get a sticker? >> no, i did not. >> i'll give you one. >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, elmo. tonight was halloween in new jersey. last week the governor of new jersey, chris christie moved to halloween to tonight because of hurricane sandy. kids showed off their costumes, thanks to facebook get to see a lot of kids in costumes. and more and more in recent years, those costumed kids are babies. very young people at the mercy of their parents' strange sechbs humor around halloween and finally, babies are doing something about that. >> we are your babies. your pride and joy. the light of your lives. so, why, why dress us in ridiculous, inappropriate and
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humiliating halloween costumes? do we look like lobsters to you? turkeys? or mr. t? or tacos? or prince or fruit or bikers? if you're going to dress us up, at least put some thought into it. we can't fight back, but we will get revenge. paid for by babies bite back. >> jimmy: and well they should. [ cheers and applause ] you know, i mentioned last week we did our show from brooklyn and more the most part brooklynites don't take crap. people live on top 6 each other and a lot of short fuses and a great place to unleash cousin sal. he worked behind the counter at a great pizzeria, we got him a uniform, got him some hidden cameras and as you'll see here, let the fun begin.
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♪ >> how can i help you, good lookin'? >> four slices. >> four? there you go. all right. >> nope. >> what happened? >> slithered off the thing. >> oh, no, no, four slices. >> two slices on the floor. >> i put four out. i don't know what happened. >> you spilled it out over the thing. >> i thought you had your hand out. >> i had my hand on this one. >> you said four slices, right? >> i said four slices but you slid it out -- >> try it again. >> i'm sorry -- >> no, no, it's all your fault. >> i know. >> here. one more. [ laughter ] >> what are you doing? what's with you? you're killing me here.
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i'm trying to give you the pizza, a long line. sweep it up. i don't know. bad hands. try this again. if i slide these to you really fast you'll catch them, right? >> don't break my -- >> which way? you never know. here you go. carmelo-oh! oh! damn. so close. ♪ >> next in line, please. >> six. >> six, my god. what are you doing to yourself? >> really? >> what are you doing to yourself? >> i'm not here by myself. >> six slices. save a couple weeks of your
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life, cut the grease off the top. a little grease off. every little bit helps, you know? want to stay on this planet. all right? all right. >> can i get a tray? >> what? tray? they're not edible, i'll karn you. don't try to eat this. all right? >> what are you [ bleep ] guy? >> why you getting upset. i like your style, man. i'm not saying that because you're heavy. >> [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: nicely done, cousin sal. thank you. tonight on the show, chris hardwick is here. music from ben folds five and we'll be right back with robert pattinson, so stick around. cbo. cheddar... bacon...onion.
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threemendous. ♪ >> jimmy: tonight on the program, he has a one hour comedy central special called "mandroid" premiering saturday night. chris hardwick is here. chris sold his website nerdist for $11 billion. sold it to the chinese. and then - music from a terrific band. this is their first album together in 13 years. it's called "the sound of the life of the mind." ben folds five from the bud light stage. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we've got some good shows for you coming this week. we will be off tomorrow because of the election but back with new shows wednesday, thursday, and friday with daniel craig, john goodman, hayden panettiere, kirstie alley, the author of the twilight series -- stephenie meyer. [ cheers and applause ] dave salmoni will be here with animals and we'll have music
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from tyler bryant & the shakedown, machine gun kelly, and boys like girls. join us then. if you've been watching abc today, you know that we have titled today a "day of giving." we're encouraging those who haven't to donate to help the victims of hurricane sandy. so far we've raised over $14 million dollars. if you'd like to help out please visit redcross.org/abc or call 1-800-help-now to donate. and we have our own charity auction running online. if you go to charitybuzz.com you can bid on the desk i sat behind during our shows in brooklyn last week. it's signed by david letterman, jon stewart, stephen colbert, and i signed it too. the price is up to $21,000 -- all the proceeds go to help the hurricane sandy relief effort. you have until november 14th to bid. and if you win, you could do your own talk show in your house. which would be weird, but fun. our first guest is an internationally beloved actor with a bloodthirsty legion of
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fans. hoe pore -- he portrays a 107-year-old vampire with very young-looking skin. the journey is almost over "the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 2" opens november 16th, please say hello to robert pattinson. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ how are you? >> good. >> jimmy: good to see you. everyone's excited. they've been lined up around the block, all day. [ cheers and applause ] look at 'em. is he everything you imagined? i mean, just really, just take a moment to take him in. i mean, look at him. [ cheers and applause ] robert, i heard your shoes are too big. is that true? >> yes. man, i realize i'm wearing ridiculous socks. >> jimmy: do the whole interview -- somebody got the
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wrong size. >> extremely embarrassing. >> jimmy: there is a bowling ail lay cross the street, we could get you another pair. >> i look like a clown. >> jimmy: are your feet sliding? >> i was going to have vodka backstage -- not a good combination. >> jimmy: with the big shoes, bad combination. that's why clowns don't get drunk. boy, you almost never have to talk about being a vampire ever again. until the dvd comes out, i guess. >> yeah, yeah. possibly. i doubt it. probably talk about it next -- rest of my life. >> jimmy: rest of your life, no question. you'll be talking about it the rest of your life. but there is no chance they'll add a sequel on to the end of this or anything like that, is there? >> i hope. >> jimmy: you hope they do? [ cheers and applause ]
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you have been traving around the world promoting this movie? >> i only did -- i've done australia so far. >> jimmy: all right. >> new york tomorrow. >> jimmy: you have any fun when do you that stuff? do you get to do things or is it all work? >> normally all work. i want to stay in my hotel room all of the time. >> jimmy: i see why. you need to go to -- go to an island of only men or something. even that might not work out. [ laughter ] >> i got -- i went skydiving in australia, which was pretty fun. >> jimmy: have you ever done that before? >> no. >> jimmy: something you wanted to doing on somebody bullied you? >> something i wanted to do and it's also how i want to die. i'm glad i'm doing a tandem, i would not pull the chute. the most exhilarating -- exactly
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what i imagined it would be. >> jimmy: who was mounted to you during this? [ screams ] >> i was the only one who got a girl, which was funny. >> jimmy: you got a girl? what a surprise. [ laughter ] how much did she pay you to take you on this? >> didn't think she was that into it. it was weird. she had this little wrist camera and she was trying to get me enthusiastic to get a little movie going and every time she turned it on i was so, like, crippled with self-consciousness. very, very australian and i kind of outdoor sportsy and -- >> jimmy: did you get scared on the way down? >> no, i just -- i just, i don't know. i was completely -- i felt so relaxed. i loved it. >> jimmy: you did? you loved it? something would you do again? >> i wanted to go up immediately afterwards. >> jimmy: was she screaming on the way down? "oh my god i'm attached to
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robert pattinson?" was there screaming? >> i thought i was screaming but but like, this gutteral, sounded like ted levine's voice. >> jimmy: who is ted levine? >> from "science of the lambs." >> jimmy: oh. tomorrow, i don't know if you're aware of this, tomorrow is election today in these united states. you are a foreigner to our country. here we elect our officials. they are not crowned first. they are chosen by mostly idiots. and so, you will be left out of that process, i assume. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you feel left out? jealo jealous? would you like to be part of it? >> i don't like any kind of responsibili responsibility. [ laughter ] i would vote for people like me to not be able to vote. >> jimmy: you would? if you showed up down there and
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said i'm not an american but i'm a celebrity, i think they would probably let you check off a few boxes. >> when obama won last time, i was in the press for the first "twilight." didn't know what was going on people screaming in the streets of new york and had no idea what was happening. >> jimmy: maybe if obama gets reee legitimated there will be more "twilight" movies. that would be in my commercial. we'll take a quick break. when we come back, we'll have a look and hopefully -- i think tears when we come back. robert pattinson is here. we'll be right back. cereal?
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bronie, what you doing over there? nothing. let me get that. (laughter) you got one with my phone? absolutely. make it two, make it two. what you want? (laughter) coach dru.
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yo, what up? i need the best. i need the best. make him look pretty. (laughter) check this out. ohh! my goodness. i told you. i told you. the new galaxy note 2. available at sprint. jolly rancher bold hand soft juicy chews. untamed fruit flavor... jolly rancher.
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so, maybe you're trying to fiwell, let me give it a shot. if you're ok with marylanders spending five hundred and... fifty million a year gaming in other states, fair enough. but if you think we should keep that money here... add twelve thousand jobs, and generate millions for schools... well you should probably vote for question seven. because if it doesn't pass, all of this goes away. that's why the post called seven, common sense. but decide for yourself.
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>> had a bad habit of underestima underestimating. i think you couldn't overcome and you just did. you are the reason i have something to fight for. family. >> jimmy: aw. and what did you guys think? >> look, this is the very clear example in the whole series, basically every scene i end up kissing someone. [ screams ]
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such extraordinarily loud little pecs, sounds like i'm walking around in wellies. >> jimmy: is that the actual sound? are they going back and putting the sound -- >> i don't understand, my lip is like a vacuum. [ screams ] >> jimmy: not sexy. even guillermo is blushing from that. you have been doing this for four years now. is there one memory you have of shooting this stuff that above all will stick with you? i mean, i know it's a lot of ground to cover but is there one thing that you remember most of all? >> since the second one when they were doing, when they had werewolves and the visual effects, where a guy had to run down and had little bit of fur with a stick on it and a ball with a stick on it and had to do fur and balls every time. and the second, fourth and fifth
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movies, that is the most lingering memory. desperately running down a hill with a furry stick and a ball -- always the most important thing. doesn't matter what the scene was. or how it went. >> jimmy: fur and balls. why did they have balls in their hands? [ laughter ] >> i don't -- i don't know. i think it was just like -- just for fun. >> jimmy: this is exciting. i don't know if this excites you but you're on the cover of "mad" magazine. this is a big deal. the reason i show this, if we actually, if get a shot of all of us together, if we pose with this i think i'll get a free subscription to "mad." there we go. >> actually look -- that is a badder version of me.
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supposed to make me look -- >> jimmy: they make people grotesque but even they're in love with you. unbelievable. one other thing, if i koshgs a photograph, i don't know -- one of your friends tweeted this. this is, you're at bear and you seem to be drilling a hole in the bar. why are you doing that? >> i love it. the easiest explanation is the bottle. i didn't even notice that. >> jimmy: that would explain it. >> i actually don't remember. >> jimmy: this was not a project? >> doing an art piece. >> jimmy: all right. well, we've covered a lot of ground. of course, everybody will see the movie. it's a very, very big deal. it's the final countdown. >> yep. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> all done. >> jimmy: very good to see you. thank you for coming. robert pattinson, everybody.
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"the twilight saga: breaking dawn part two" opens in theaters november 16th. we'll be right back with chris hardwick. ♪ you've got to be kidding me. sweetie, help us settle this. i say this and this is called southern hospitality. well, i call it the clean getaway. [ scoffs ] you're both wrong. it's the freshy fresh. everyone knows that. i didn't know that. oh yeah, that's what they're saying now. [ female announcer ] nothing leaves you feeling cleaner and fresher than the cottonelle care routine. try them together. then name it on facebook. try them together.
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first rule of taking the world by surprise? do something the world will actually notice. introducing the entirely new ford fusion. with turbo-charged ecoboost engine and a hybrid that doubles the fuel economy of the average vehicle. it's an entirely new idea of what a car can be. i want to say thank you so much for your service. we salute you on this veterans day. this year, applebee's is treating veterans and active duty military to a free meal on veterans day. it's become a tradition and their way of saying thanks on this special day. and where a simple thank you can mean so much. ♪ just as free join the movement and add your thanks at thankyoumovement.com. ♪ free as we'll ever be
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>> dickey: this week on "jimmy kimmel live" john goodman kirstie alley hayden panettiere stephenie meyer dave salmoni with animals and daniel craig. plus music from tyler bryant and the shakedown machine gun kelly and boys like girls. [ forsythe ] we don't just come up here for the view up in alaska. it's the cleanest, clearest water. we find the best, sweetest crab for red lobster that we can find.
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[ male announcer ] hurry in to red lobster's crabfest! the only time of year you can savor 5 succulent crab entrees, all under 20 dollars. like a half-pound of tender snow crab paired with savory grilled shrimp, just 12.99. or our hearty crab and roasted garlic seafood bake. [ forsythe ] if i wouldn't put it on my table at home, i wouldn't bring it in. my name's jon forsythe, and i sea food differently. introducing the new 13-inch macbook pro, my name's jon forsythe,
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gentlemen, this is vodka. mom, pop it. ♪ two inches apart, becky. two inches. t-minus nine minutes. [ ding ] [ female announcer ] pillsbury cinnamon rolls. let the making begin. ♪ too bad the guys aren't here we're clear. ok, swarm! swarm! hello
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[ female announcer ] pillsbury chocolate chip cookies. let the making begin >> jimmy: hello there. still to come, ben folds five. our next guest is a comedian, tv host, podcaster and founder of the vast internet empire known as nerdist. his new standup special, "chris hardwick: mandroid" premieres saturday night on comedy central. please say hello to chris hardwick. [ cheers and applause ] how are you? instagram and blogging, all that stuff. >> all of the internetting. >> jimmy: don't you take time to enjoy life as it is instead of turning everything into technology? >> life is not anything without the internet. let's talk about how i had to follow a hufflepuff on this stage! what is happening?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i think that makes you immortal somehow. >> nice. >> jimmy: i'm glad to have you here. how long have we known each other? >> a long time, since the 1900s. we worked together at k-rock in l.a. >> jimmy: i was the sports guy in the morning show. you were the overnight disk jockey. >> you pulled first internet prank anyone's ever pulled on me in like 1995. i was on aol, that's america online, kids. [ laughter ] i was internet messaging a girl that i worked with. we were literally just friends. i go to come back from the bathroom, i learned you never leave your compute andersen account on. i come back and i see a phrase i don'trecognize, "well what will
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do you to me next?" i scroll back and jimmy has basically said all these things he wanted to do to her sex parts and she went for it. >> jimmy: congratulations to you. >> didn't go well after that. >> jimmy: that was you. >> no, no. i, of course, i felt bad so i had to tell her, like, hey, you know how you exposed to a stranger, that was a big prank, sorry. >> jimmy: i remember what did you. you looked at the computer and you went. no, no, no! oh, no. and you raced off and dialled this woman and -- yeah. i'm sorry about that. >> i had to apologize. >> jimmy: it was fun. >> some day he'll be famous and have his own show, you got pranked by jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: you started a website, which everyone does but yours became super popular. >> i guess so. >> jimmy: you sold it for $4 billion. right? >> somewhere between 4 and $100
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billion i think. worth about as much as "star wars." the math checked out. sold to it legendary entertainment, produces "dark knight" "hangover" and "300." >> jimmy: do you have to say nice things about their movies? >> i already love their movies, jimmy. >> jimmy: have you been compromised? >> i don't have to. they let us do whatever we want. >> jimmy: you host a very popular podcast. how many people listen to that? >> i think we do -- i don't know. somewhere between 3 and 4 million downloads. >> jimmy: you get big stars on this. including maybe the biggest star of them all, tom hanks. >> tom hanks! had tom hanks on. >> jimmy: tell the story how you got him to do your show. >> one of the lady whose helps books the podcast, ashley, said
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tom collects vintage typewriters. i'll type it on that, it was polite, come on, won't murder you. and sent him typewriter and i got a letter back on playtone stationary, his company, and -- >> jimmy: this was the actual letter. >> a lot celebrities, i could hang out with that guy. but then, tom hanks is every bit the guy that you want him to be >> jimmy: very funny letter, too. who do you think you are trying to bribe me into an appearance on your thing with this gift of the most fantastic corona typewriter made in 1934? it's very good. >> at the end he dams us all to hell. >> jimmy: and did you enjoy speaking to tom? >> he was wonderful. he was such an amazing guy. if you nerve listened toed neddist p neddist -- nerdist podcast, i'm
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comedy, matt hit him up because he's a nasa freak and jonah with the music freak. all of the stories you heard about him 100% true. you had him on >> jimmy: he's a monster, in my opinion. he's as good as they come. first standup comedy special. >> mandroid. >> jimmy: do you like do it? >> i'm broken inside and i need attention. >> jimmy: is that what it is? most comments when they reach a certain level of success go i won't do that any more unless they're lunatics. >> some people do it to get f e famous and some people like louis ck, he'll do standup until he's dead. i love doing standup and i want to do it. >> jimmy: so you're doing it. >> my first special. >> jimmy: what do your parents think -- >> i hope this goes well. i just want you to like me. >> jimmy: first time we met, i was impressed because you were doing that show singled out, i
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was not impressed -- >> the audience, you remember that show? >> jimmy: i was impressed because your dad is professional bowler billy hardwick and my dad -- >> koufl milfs remember my dad. >> jimmy: my dad is a professional watcher of bowling on television. so, to me this was a big deal. i remember calling my dad and i'm working with billy hardwick's son. he's like, you got to be kidding. amazing. >> my dad is a hall of fame bowler. my dad attracts more of the gilfs at this point. there was a couple. the golden girls -- >> jimmy: does he understand what you're doing? >> he does.f those guys, he's 71 years old and like technology to him, have you ever thought if i could unfreeze someone from the '50s and show them what technology is, that would blow their minds. that's my dad. i just got him on e-mail and texting and his texting was slop i don't for while. with nay week, i swear to god,
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he was texting me like a tween girl, "lols" and if i say i'll call him i get the letter k. omg is r pats on kim el tonight? lol, smiley. my dad has turned into a teenage girl. >> jimmy: your mom is the same way? >> my mom hs been online forever but i did, i did get her on twitter and as soon as i got her on i was like why did do i that? now she can track everything i could do. when your parents on your social network just asking them to come over and hang out with your friends, every horrible joke i make online, i watched homeland, almost couldn't masturbate to that. my mom is like, nice. >> jimmy: you got to separate your work -- >> you have to separate. >> jimmy: great to see you. his special is premieres saturday night at 11 on comedy central.
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and chris hosts "talking dead" sunday nights at 11 on amc. when we come back -- music from ben folds five.
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>> jimmy: this is the new album, it's called "the sound of the life of the mind." here with the song "erase me," ben folds five! ♪ ♪ what was our home paper not stone a lean-to at most and when you pulled ♪ ♪ your half away gravity won like it always does
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did i weigh a ton ♪ ♪ would it be easier to just delete the pages and the plans we made ♪ ♪ erase me so you don't have to face me ♪ ♪ put me in the ground and mow the daisies ah, the memory ♪ see how it goes when you erase me erase me ♪ ♪ so what will you do with no me for you i know what you said
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but what if i left a ♪ ♪ thing or two ♪ we know that you don't seem to think about what you need until you ♪ ♪ reach to find that you've ♪ ♪ erased me what the -- is this you're crazy ♪ ♪ turned around in two weeks time replaced me ♪ ♪ ah, the memory everybody knows how it goes you just ♪ ♪ erase me do me like a bro and tase me ♪ ♪ fireworks poof it's gone -- amazing new bio you've gone solo ♪ ♪ drawing mustaches on our wedding photo erase me erase me ♪ ♪ ooh-ooh-ooh ♪ erase me
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♪ this is not shouting baby ♪ ♪ erase me go and call the cops now baby ♪ ♪ ah the memory everybody knows but the brand new ♪ ♪ erase me and you'll never have to face me ♪ ♪ erase me option-command-escape me ♪ ♪ and if you feel nothing guess what i wanna be nothing ♪ ♪
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